Day 4....Anchoring Myself

I awoke this morning with a fear hangover. After recieving a call that my mother was in a car accident I wandered around my house for hours in a state of anxiety until I knew she was alright. I was consumed by the what-ifs. What-ifs so dark and scary that I dare not repeat them here. I came to the conclusion that, frankly, there are simply too many words left unsaid to allow her to to fly off with the angels just yet. And while I am aware I don't get to choose when she leaves this world, I do have the choice and the opportunity to say those things now. (And I will...just as soon as I do one more load of laundry. That is how we procrastinate on these things isn't it?)

I won't drone on about how we all need to appreciate each moment or be more present...blah, blah, blah. You've all heard that before. You know what to do.

The trick is acting on our opportunities to do really scary and really vulnerable things like...saying how we feel to the people we love most. We live in a culture of superficiality and niceties. A culture where "the cult of personality" trumps values and character. A culture where showing our soft underbelly to the world, even to those we hold most dear, feels downright dangerous.

And yet, there are people who somehow muster the courage to be authentic. People who tell us in no uncertain terms, that we are loved. People who hold their worthiness within themselves like an anchor. It grounds them, and sometimes us, in rough seas. My hope is that I can someday be one of those anchor people (No, not the kind on Fox news). A person who lives with her heart not on her sleeve, but on her whole body. A woman who is still just as afraid to show up and be real as everyone else, but does it anyway. Because to do or be or say anything else would be like drowning in an invisible sea.

Maybe my plight with gluten is meaningless. But maybe it's not. Taking my health into my own hands feels like sailing to a brave new world. A world to which I will navigate with my anchor in tow. So that when the seas get too stormy and I feel myself slipping away, I can ground my vessel and fight for my rightful spot in this place I call "me". I am worthy of healthy eating, and just in case you had any doubt...So. Are. You.

Sail on my friends. Sail on.

(And remember to bring your anchor)


Breakfast:
4 Slices of polenta
1.5 scrambled eggs
1 apple
1 Coffee with plenty of creamer
1 Green tea again with plenty of creamer

Lunch:
Chilly from Horrocks
A lot of GF Blue tortilla chips (As my hubby would say, only grandmas count!)
1/2 of a vitamin water

Dinner:
GF German chocolate cake (Don't be a hater, I decided to have dessert first and then I was too full for soup. It was totally and absolutely worth it).